While growing up, my parents were very strict with my siblings and me. 'No elbows on the table,' 'No chewing with your mouth open,' and 'No talking with your mouth full' were common reprimands around the dinner table. Yes, my family ate dinner together 99% of the time. This probably helped me cultivate a talent that not many of my friends share - the ability to remove food from a utensil without dragging my teeth on the surface of said utensil.
This, for me, has become the most aggravating and infuriating sound in the world. Unfortunately, it's also an incredibly prevalent problem among young adults.
I ask you this seriously: Is it that hard to use your lips to remove food from your fork? Doesn't the constant chomping on metal lead to higher dental bills? Can you not hear the sound you are making?
Perhaps this specific offense is evidence of a larger relaxation of societal rules. If you click back a few decades (hell, a few years), there was a whole industry set up to define what constituted correct behavior. Emily Post made a fortune telling readers where to place their napkin, what fork to use when, and how to write a heartfelt thank you note. Now, Mrs. Post's great-granddaughter-in-law (no joke), Peggy Post, is continuing the family tradition by writing about such mind-numbingly stupid topics as how to ask for donations at the office and how to handle someone showing up to your house with their unannounced dog in tow. It's no wonder people are chomping on their forks, when our etiquette leaders are bogged down with ridiculous issues like those.
This, for me, has become the most aggravating and infuriating sound in the world. Unfortunately, it's also an incredibly prevalent problem among young adults.
I ask you this seriously: Is it that hard to use your lips to remove food from your fork? Doesn't the constant chomping on metal lead to higher dental bills? Can you not hear the sound you are making?
Perhaps this specific offense is evidence of a larger relaxation of societal rules. If you click back a few decades (hell, a few years), there was a whole industry set up to define what constituted correct behavior. Emily Post made a fortune telling readers where to place their napkin, what fork to use when, and how to write a heartfelt thank you note. Now, Mrs. Post's great-granddaughter-in-law (no joke), Peggy Post, is continuing the family tradition by writing about such mind-numbingly stupid topics as how to ask for donations at the office and how to handle someone showing up to your house with their unannounced dog in tow. It's no wonder people are chomping on their forks, when our etiquette leaders are bogged down with ridiculous issues like those.
All I am trying to say is this: If you're eating in front of me, don't drag your teeth on your utensils. If you do, you can rest assured that that's all I can hear, and I am doing EVERYTHING I CAN to stop myself from reaching across the table, grabbing the fork from your offending mouth, and stabbing you through the eye with it. Literally, this is my reaction every time.
Thank you in advance for your compliance.
Note: I do not claim to have impeccable manners. I burp, I often talk with food in my mouth (although, in my defense, never with my mouth FULL, and I'm never in danger of being misunderstood or having food acutally fall out of my mouth as a result), I'm too blunt, etc etc. There's no need to tell me. I already know.
Further Reading:
Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door by Lynne Truss
Talk to the Hand: The Utter Bloody Rudeness of the World Today, or Six Good Reasons to Stay Home and Bolt the Door by Lynne Truss
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